the undercurrent of fear sweeps through me, though i know it is of no consequence.

Gravity pushes me towards inertia.

I’ll keep up with the work only in my mind, never in my hands.

i hold fate not by choice, for I am bound to the hours the way death binds to life. how bound I am to this chair not with chains but with the fear that I don’t belong elsewhere

they take a deep breath, and will themselves to be free

and yet, fate’s laughter only echoes through the ticking of the clock’s second hand. The devil must have a keen sense of humor for calling today the “present”. It would be rude, however, not to accept the gift, I duly note.

depersonalization would help me act more rationally, but fear keeps me safe, well, keeps me “safe”.

the rain falls

from the heavens

what makes you think

that gods cry?

4/4/25, journal entry

I wish that I could sleep, if not forever, then at least for some amount of time that

takes me from here

and brings me to a

better place

suicide is a negative sum game.

but who said staying alive wasn’t?

— written from my iPhone, 11:30 PM