I should be happy

I should be enjoying the moment
I shouldn’t have to deal with this
unending
undying
irrepressible
constant
fricking
anxiety

I’ve got so many more friends and contacts this semester
I’m in some great classes learning some great things
I’m getting to help freshman with coding
I’m getting to code all day, every day.

Except I’m not enjoying
a single frikin. moment.

Reading words is anxiety-inducing.
Thinking is still anxiety-inducing.
Existing is
anxiety-inducing.

A
fire alarm
that I cant make
stop

And the stress, is
making
my t
houg
t processe
s fall apart.

I rereadreadread the same wordsread the same
and I don’t catch a
thing

My brain seems to be broken
in a way that I cannot
seem to fathom.
My only hope,
is that this goes away.
Away, before anyone
notices. Before I
fall too far
behind
and
lose
out
on
the
opportunities
that
lie
in
plain
sight

I
fear
fear
fear
fear
fear
fear
fear
fear
fear
it’s
not
ending

Who am I anymore?






fuck.