I should be happy\ I should be enjoying the moment\ I shouldn’t have to deal with this\ unending\ undying\ irrepressible\ constant\ fricking\ anxiety

I’ve got so many more friends and contacts this semester\ I’m in some great classes learning some great things\ I’m getting to help freshman with coding\ I’m getting to code all day, every day.

Except I’m not enjoying\ a single frikin. moment.

Reading words is anxiety-inducing.\ Thinking is still anxiety-inducing.\ Existing is\ anxiety-inducing.

A\ fire alarm\ that I cant make\ stop

And the stress, is\ making\ my t\ houg\ t processe\ s fall apart.

I rereadreadread the same wordsread the same\ and I don’t catch a\ thing \ My brain seems to be broken\ in a way that I cannot\ seem to fathom. \ My only hope,\ is that this goes away.\ Away, before anyone\ notices. Before I\ fall too far\ behind \ and\ lose\ out\ on\ the\ opportunities\ that\ lie\ in\ plain\ sight\ \ I\ fear\ fear\ fear\ fear\ fear\ fear\ fear\ fear\ fear\ it’s\ not\ ending\ \ Who am I anymore?\ \ \ \ \ \ \ fuck.